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Last week, I confronted the deep-seated fear of being alone, realizing that solitude is a spiritual breakthrough essential for reclaiming your inherent worth. By separating from the chaos and choosing yourself, you build the foundation of recognizing yourself as a whole, autonomous person.

Now the crucial test: As my autonomous self, what kind of new relationship is worthy of my authentic whole self?

After leaving a codependent or emotionally harmful relationship (romantic or otherwise), our internal compass for love and acceptance is often distorted. We may mistake intensity for passion or chaos for intimacy. Our nervous system is trained to recognize the anxiety of the old dynamic as "love," causing us to be drawn, reflexively, to people who test our boundaries.

The BOLD step is to unlearn those lies and consciously define what healthy, adult love looks like.

The Foundation: Two Whole Individuals

My new outlook on healthy love is built on a foundation of two autonomous, whole individuals.

I've learned that it’s not about completing each other; it’s about complementing each other. No relationship (romantic or otherwise) is about looking for a "fixer" or a "fixee." When I decided to be open to the idea of dating, I knew I was looking for a partner -- someone who is responsible for their own happiness and well-being, just as I am for myself.

These are now my non-negotiables for a truly bold, healthy connection:

❤️‍🩹Boundaries are respected without negotiation, creating safety and feelings of honor for each other.

❤️‍🩹Mental Load Sharing is equitable and transparent, with both partners actively owning and executing responsibilities related to planning and logistics.

❤️‍🩹Communication is open and honest, aimed at understanding, not controlling.

❤️‍🩹Spiritual Openness that encourages conversation, questioning, and sharing of ideas without judgment, allowing both partners to honor their unique spiritual paths.

❤️‍🩹 Growth-minded and views challenges as opportunities for evolution, with both partners committed to personal and relational improvement.

❤️‍🩹Vulnerability is celebrated and met with empathy and containment.

❤️‍🩹Financial Responsibility is transparent and shared, with both partners accountable for their respective duties, goals, and spending habits.

❤️‍🩹Support is offered without expectation of return; it is given freely.

❤️‍🩹Emotional Intimacy is built through consistent, predictable safety, where both partners feel free to express their inner world without fear of punishment or rejection.

❤️‍🩹Providership is flexible and mutually supportive, where value is placed equally on all contributions (financial, emotional, domestic, creative), regardless of who earns income.

❤️‍🩹Sexual Intimacy is mutually enthusiastic and freely chosen, based on desire, respect, and the pleasure of connection, never obligation or debt.

❤️‍🩹Mine or my Partner's success is a source of joy and mutual celebration.

❤️‍🩹Mutual Radical Responsibility of own choices, meaning both partners own their emotional responses and everyday actions without excuse, leading to immediate conflict resolution and personal accountability.

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My Boldest Move: Slowing Down

In the codependent dynamic, everything moves fast -- the relationship becomes a source of immediate identity and stability. The boldest, healthiest move you can make in a new relationship, or even in evaluating your current ones, is to slow down.

Slowing down is a practical tool of radical responsibility that allows your logical mind to assess the connection, rather than letting your trauma-informed nervous system run amok.

Are You Building a Partnership or a Person to Manage?

When I met Dan, I quickly discovered that neither of us was just looking for a partner; we were prioritizing friendship.

If a relationship can't thrive purely on shared interests, humor, respect, and deep conversation -- if it requires constant physical intensity or immediate, intense dependency to feel "real" -- it’s simply not ready to sustain deep, healthy, and real intimacy.

Your goal is to prioritize the person who is content to simply walk alongside you.

In my current relationship, this slowing down wasn't just a choice; it was enforced. We live in entirely different states, a practical reality that has forced us to build our connection from the ground up.

It started professionally, as coaches sharing common interests in personal growth. We only saw each other in person every 4–6 weeks. This distance has stripped away the possibility of confusing physical chemistry with true compatibility.

Instead, we have had to prioritize friendship through conversation, sharing our lives over calls and video. This distance has forced us to truly get to know one another from afar, to learn the contours of each other's inner world, rather than relying on the easy distraction of physical presence.

A great way to gauge your own relationship is to ask yourself: "If all the physical intensity were removed, would I still want to spend intentional time talking to this person?"

This deliberate, slow pace has allowed my logical, whole self to assess the connection, ensuring we are building a partnership that complements, rather than completes, me. It’s made a big difference between feeling safe and feeling constantly hooked.

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The Stress Test: Observing Behavior Under Pressure

We've all been taught to focus on compatibility in hobbies or humor, but after surviving codependency, I realize the real test of a partner isn't how they are on a good day -- it's how they are when the world is crumbling.

Here is where all that hard-won knowledge has become my greatest protector.

All my years spent immersed in the emotional health sphere, delving into psychological research, spiritual mentorship, my own therapy, and my current rigorous coaching certification, I can honestly say my new way of looking at relationships isn't just theory; this is a bold, earned wisdom that I now get to apply.

Now, as I observe a potential partner, I no longer passively wait for things to go wrong. I am actively assessing their capacity for healthy adulthood.

I am watching and have asked myself these crucial, non-negotiable questions:

When real-life pressure hits, where does accountability go? Do they immediately blame others for a mistake, or do they own their choice and look for a solution?

When they are stressed or overwhelmed, what is their response? Do they lash out? Do they retreat into isolation and subtly expect me to ride in and rescue them (the ghost of codependency)?

How do they treat the waiter, the customer service agent, or the family member they disagree with? Their baseline respect level is a preview.

Are they resilient, or do they run away and try to escape through entertainment, food, or alcohol? What is their coping mechanism?

The truth is simple: How a person navigates their own stress is the exact blueprint for how they will treat you when you are stressed.

In my current relationship, this wisdom is paramount. Dan and I both come to the table trained in nervous system regulation, energies, and emotional intelligence. We’re not just hoping for a different outcome; we are using our knowledge to build a different foundation.

This time, compatibility is being measured in healthy safety and emotional intimacy, not just physical chemistry or co-dependent need. We are ensuring that the intimacy we cultivate is deep, honest, and earned through consistent, safe behavior. We are both committed to growth in all these areas as well.

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The Ultimate Compass: Listening to Intuition

In the intensity of codependency, intuition is always the first casualty. We learn to silence that small, quiet voice because it dared to challenge the chaos we called love. Now, after doing the hard work of reclamation through solitude, intuition isn't just a feeling -- it is the most reliable, highly trained intelligence I possess.

Think of your body as a sophisticated lie-detector. It registers truth and falsehood far faster than your rational brain, which is still busy processing old trauma and trying to "fix" the present.

So, when in a new partner's presence, the most important assessment to make is internal, not external.

Curiosity and warmth guide this process, not fear.

A major question I now ask myself as I meet new people in general is how does my true, authentic self feel in this moment?

I pay attention to my physical body. Is my stomach clenched? Are my shoulders tense? Or do I feel a sense of relaxed expansion, and have a safe breath?

I evaluate immediately whether I feel safe, seen, and grounded. Safety is my non-negotiable foundation.

Does this person's presence allow me to drop the mask I spent 21 years perfecting? Do I feel seen for my full self, flaws and all, or do I feel the urgent need to perform, manage their mood, or shrink myself to fit a temporary expectation?

That small, quiet voice -- the one I painstakingly reclaimed in solitude -- is now my ultimate guide. It is the wisdom gained from every mistake, every boundary crossed, and every moment of honest reflection. I'm learning that my job now is not to question it, but to learn to listen to it.

By honoring intuitive signals, I'm actively protecting the inherent worthiness I fought so hard to reclaim. I am choosing to build relationships based on truth, not necessity.

By practicing this discernment, I am now choosing peace over passion, respect over intensity, and true love over 'toxic' familiarity.

Next week, I will shift the focus from relationships to the practical steps of protecting our energy. Join me for Issue 5: Creating Your Personal Energy Protocol -- we're talking practical strategies for setting the boundaries that sustain this new, BOLD life.

If you're just joining me during this 'Reclaiming your Bold Life' series, you can catch up and find the past issues here.

Bri💋

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Bold Challenge Questions

1.Think about the person you are currently spending the most time with. (friend, family member, or partner) Now, evaluate your anxiety level before and after spending time with them. If your anxiety is higher after the interaction, identify which two of the non-negotiables (ex: Boundaries, Communication, or Mutual Responsibility) were most likely violated.

What is the smallest boundary you can implement next time to protect yourself?

2. Pick one item from the Mental Load Sharing or Financial Responsibility categories. If you are in a relationship, have you ever openly discussed this topic without either person becoming defensive or emotionally shut down? If not, schedule a neutral time to discuss it this week, committing only to listening and sharing without trying to fix the outcome. (If you are single, identify a non-negotiable you are most likely to overlook and commit to asking about it before the third date.)

3. Recall a recent interaction with someone new you have met -- it could be a potential romantic partner or it could be a new friend or neighbor. Use your intuition as your guide: Did you feel the need to perform or manage their mood? If the answer is yes, write down what you were afraid would happen if you had simply shown up as your authentic, quiet, un-performing self.

What simple truth about your own worthiness does that fear challenge?

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🎁Want to Gift Someone Sessions with Me? 🎀

The Perfect Holiday Gift is NOT a Sweater -- It’s Momentum.

Give the gift of genuine transformation this year! Whether they're tackling a big career change, crushing personal goals, or simply trying to find clarity in the chaos, a coaching package with me is the investment they truly need to thrive.

Starting 2026 Strong is the Goal. Getting There is the Gift.

I have three giftable options designed to fit any goal and commitment level:

✨ A Spark ($125): The ultimate clarity gift! A single 90-minute Deep Dive to define one meaningful goal and co-create the laser-focused first steps to tackle it.

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Ready to gift the plan and not just wish them a better 2026?

🔗 Shop the Packages now: BriannaLGeorge.com/DigitalProducts

When you purchase, a printable Gift Certificate with all the details will be provided automatically!

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💋If you've been thinking about working with me in 2026...

Book a Complimentary Clarity Call

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💪🏻Craving More Challenge?💪🏻

Enjoy a Boldly Driven Conversation with Bri.

Be sure to subscribe to my YouTube Channel so you don't miss an episode.

I haven't uploaded this week's episode about the mental load yet, but it should be live on Saturday -- so check my YouTube Channel to watch!

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❤️‍🩹Helpful Resources for your Personal Growth Journey! ❤️‍🩹

(Also Fantastic Holiday Gifts!)

Emotional Health Digital Products found on my website

Emotional Healing journals on Amazon

Your favorite, most radiant self is waiting for you to discover just how amazing you are!

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Brianna L. George

Boldly live out loud as your authentic self.💋

BriannaLGeorge.com

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