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The Perfectly Imperfect Pursuit to Know Yourself: Type 2 - Helper

Welcome back, fellow Enneagram adventurers! Last time, we dissected the delightful (and sometimes delightfully rigid) world of the Type 1. Now, we’re moving on to the heart of the matter—literally. Today, we're diving into the world of the Helper, the Giver, the ever-so-generous Type 2. Prepare for a dose of warmth, a sprinkle of truth, and maybe a gentle nudge to put down that casserole and take a moment for yourself.

If you aren't sure which type you are, you can take a test here:

✨ Paid version ($20): www.enneagraminstitute.com​
✨ Free version: www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test​

If you already KNOW your Enneagram type, I'd LOVE to hear from you as we go through this series. I am a type 3, but more accurately a 3Wing2. (If you have no idea what that means, it's ok. There are opportunities to learn if you want. Hit me up in this email, or click the link, to schedule a FREE Clarity Call.)

Issue 2: The Heart of Gold (And the Need for Gratitude) - Enneagram Type 2: "Yes, I'll Help... But Are You Grateful?"

Ah, the Enneagram 2. The embodiment of warmth, the dispenser of hugs, the purveyor of perfectly timed casseroles. You're the friend who remembers everyone’s birthday, the coworker who always lends a hand, and the family member who anticipates every need. But let's be real, beneath that sunny exterior, there's a deep, often unspoken, longing for appreciation.

The People-Pleasing Paradox: The Currency of Gratitude

Type 2s, you are the masters of people-pleasing. Your emotional radar is finely tuned to the needs of others, and you derive a deep sense of satisfaction from being helpful. However, this beautiful trait can sometimes morph into a quest for validation. You give and give, hoping to fill a void with the sweet nectar of gratitude and recognition. You are the ULTIMATE people-pleaser. (My two wing is crying cuz I get it!)

Why? Because, let’s be honest, you need to feel needed. It's not a flaw; it's a fundamental part of your personality. But when that need for validation becomes the driving force behind your actions, it can lead to burnout, resentment, and a whole lot of unspoken "Why don't they appreciate me?!"

The Sassy Truth: Setting Boundaries and Saying "No" (Gasp!)

Look, I have a 2 wing so I get it. You love helping. It makes you feel good. But sometimes, you need to ask yourself, "Am I helping because I genuinely care, or because I want them to owe me?" (Ouch.) And let's be real, sometimes you're so busy taking care of everyone else, you forget to take care of yourself.

Here's the hard truth: you can't pour from an empty cup, Babe. And no, your worth is not measured by the number of people you’ve rescued from their daily dilemmas.

The Wisdom Drop: The Art of Receiving

Your worth is not determined by how much you give. You are valuable, even when you're not doing anything for anyone else. Repeat that until it sinks in.

It's okay to say no. Setting boundaries is not selfish; it's self-preservation. Practice saying it in the mirror: "No, I can't help with that right now." Feels weird, right? You'll get used to it, Queen.

Learn to receive. Allow others to help you. It's not a sign of weakness; it's a sign of trust. Let someone else bring the casserole, Barbara.

Self-care is not optional. You can't pour from an empty cup. Take a bubble bath, read a book, go for a walk, take a course, get a coach. Do something just for you.

True connection isn't built on being a martyr. It's built on mutual respect and vulnerability.

The Call to Action (For Type 2s and Everyone Else):

Type 2s: Practice setting boundaries. Learn to say no without guilt. And for the love of all that is holy, stop expecting mind-reading levels of gratitude. Communicate your needs directly, Homie.

Everyone else: Appreciate the Type 2s in your life. But also, give them space to be themselves. Don’t just take, give back. And please, for goodness sake, say thank you. Often.

Remember, Type 2s, you are more than your acts of service. You are a whole, complex, and wonderful human being. And yes, you deserve to be appreciated. But true appreciation starts with self-appreciation. So, go ahead, treat yourself. You’ve earned it. And if you need a casserole, well, maybe ask someone else to bring it this time. (Even though it won't be as good as yours. Bet.)

Stay tuned for next week’s issue, where I'll explore my world...the ambitious world of the Achiever, Enneagram Type 3. Until then, keep your hearts open, but remember to set some healthy BOLD boundaries. And maybe, just maybe, take a nap or do something else nice for just yourself. You deserve it.

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From Martyr to Maven: How I Taught a Two to Say 'No' (and Learned about Myself Doing It)

"Darling, you're giving 'martyr chic' a whole new meaning," I said, leaning forward in the plush leather chair and handing Sarah* a tissue. Sarah, a classic Two, was a whirlwind of warmth and self-sacrifice, and currently, a hurricane of tears.

"But… but they needed me!" Sarah whispered between sniffles, clutching the crumpled tissue. "They were so upset, and I just… I couldn't say no."

"Honey," I answered, with an empathetic smile, "you're like a walking, talking emotional sponge. But even sponges need to be wrung out every now and then, or they just get soggy, smelly, and useless."

Sarah sniffled with a slight twitch to her lips. "But what if they don't love me anymore?"

"Oh, sweetheart," I sighed, reaching across the space between us and grabbing both her hands with a gentle squeeze. "They'll love you. They'll just love you from a slightly less demanding distance. Think of it as a 'limited edition' love, more exclusive, more precious. AND if they don't... well...you get to find something better that loves you for YOU, not what you do." ( I felt like I was coaching myself at that moment.)

I knew Sarah's ways well as I am a 3W2. My 2 wing is strong and I struggled for MANY years with people-pleasing in every relationship from my marriage, to my kids, to my neighbors and everything in between. She was a master of emotional manipulation, disguised as selfless service. (Ouch. Hurts. Me, too.) She didn't do it with ill intent, but it was all she knew. She poured herself into everyone else's needs, hoping to fill the gaping hole in her own understanding of her self-worth with their gratitude. She received love by bending over backward for everyone else. It was a classic Two move, and frankly, I'd seen it a million times -- I've done it about 2 million times myself.

"Sarah," I said, my voice taking on a slightly sharper edge, "let's be real. You're not helping them; you're enabling them. And you're doing it because you're terrified of being alone."

She softly gasped, her eyes widening. "That's not true!"

"Isn't it?" I countered, raising an eyebrow. "When was the last time you did something just for you? Something that didn't involve rescuing a damsel in distress, bending over backward till you almost break, or baking a sympathy casserole?"

Sarah's gaze drifted to the floor. "I'm not sure. I like to do those things. They make me feel good. They make me feel like I am doing something purposeful." She paused and then continued, "But I'm tired. I don't feel appreciated. My heart aches that it's not reciprocated."

"Exactly," I said, clapping my hands. "You're so busy being everyone else's hero, you've forgotten how to be your own. You're like a Broadway star giving all your best lines to the understudy."

I could see the wheels turning in her head. My Two wing was working overtime, feeding her just enough empathy to keep her engaged, while my Three was delivering the hard truths she needed to hear.

"But… but I don't know how to say no. I'm afraid of what will happen if I say no," she whispered, her voice trembling.

"Oh, darling," I said, leaning forward again, my eyes sparkling with tears of my own, completely understanding what she meant, "saying no is an art form. It's like wearing a perfectly tailored power suit. It makes you feel confident, empowered, and totally fabulous. BUT it takes practice. It takes boldness. It takes willingness to LOVE yourself first, so you CAN love others better."

I pulled back, straightened my back, and took a deep breath. "Let's practice. Repeat after me: 'No, I can't help with that right now. I'm busy being fabulous.'"

Sarah hesitated, then repeated the phrase, her voice barely a whisper.

"Louder!" I exclaimed. "Own it! You're not asking for permission; you're setting a boundary."

She repeated the phrase, her voice gaining strength with each repetition. By the time she finished, she was practically beaming.

"See?" I said, giving her a wink. "You're a natural. Now, you're ready to go out there and conquer the world, one 'no' at a time. And remember, Sarah, you're not selfish when you say no; you're self-care-ing."

As Sarah left the coffee shop we often meet in together to have a coaching session, her shoulders held a little higher, her smile a little brighter, and I felt a familiar sense of satisfaction. Satisfaction in helping her find her own voice, her own worth. And maybe, just maybe, I learned a little something about myself in the process. That I GET to love others better now that I love myself more.

After all, even a Three with a Two wing needs to remember that true success isn't about impressing everyone else; it's about being authentic. And sometimes, authenticity means saying no, even to the people you love. And if that makes me a little bit sassy, well, buttercup, so be it.

*name changed for privacy

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Bold Challenge Questions

Let's get down to the nitty-gritty with some bold challenge questions for our beloved Type Twos:

If no one needed your help, would you still know who you are? Or is your identity entirely dependent on external validation?

Is your 'generosity' a subtle form of control, a way to ensure people remain dependent on you?

If you stopped anticipating everyone else's needs, what would your needs be? And are you brave enough to acknowledge them?

Are you more afraid of being alone or not loved or of being seen as anything less than the 'perfect helper'?

Alright, for those of you who adore a Type 2 (and who doesn't), but sometimes find yourselves navigating a maze of their needs, here are some questions for you:

When your Type 2 loved one is offering 'help,' are you consciously aware of the potential underlying need for validation? How do you acknowledge their efforts without reinforcing codependency?

Do you allow them space to have their own needs, or do you unconsciously perpetuate their role as the 'giver'?

Are you consistently expressing gratitude and appreciation, or do you sometimes take their generosity for granted?

When they're feeling emotionally overwhelmed, do you know how to offer support without enabling their tendency to avoid their own feelings?

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Be Boldly You!

I see you, Gorgeous.

-Bri💋

Brianna L. George

Boldly live out loud as your authentic self.💋

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