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Radical Responsibility: The Bold Antidote to Codependency

Welcome to the first issue of my 6-week series: Reclaiming Your Bold Life. I'm starting with the most essential, and often the hardest, concept: taking radical responsibility for our role in codependent cycles.

Codependency, at its heart, is an addiction to a person or a pattern where our self-worth and happiness are disproportionately tied to someone else’s needs, approval, or behavior. It thrives in the shadows of blame and victimhood.

Codependency vs. Radical Responsibility

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Radical Responsibility is the bold choice to reclaim your agency. It means admitting: "My fear of being alone allowed me to tolerate unacceptable behavior. My need to be needed fueled a cycle that hurt us both." This isn't self-blame -- it's self-empowerment -- and it shifts the focus from the uncontrollable (the other person) to the controllable (my own actions, boundaries, and mindset).

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Deep Codependency in my 21-year Marriage

In my 21-year marriage, there were several ways in which I lived deep in codependency:

I felt like I couldn't articulate my own opinion until I knew his, or I would soften mine if it felt different, because disagreeing (especially publicly) felt like I was disloyal, not a meek enough spouse, or risked conflict because he would say he felt disrespected.

But the truth is: I am responsible for choosing to silence my authentic voice out of fear of conflict. I now own my choice in our marriage that I prioritized his comfort over my integrity.

I prioritized surface harmony (his comfort) over truthful intimacy (my authentic feelings) because I feared his emotional breakdown, which affected his job and ability to bring in income, if I spoke up.

But the truth is: I am responsible for believing his stability was my burden to carry. I now own my choice to sacrifice my truth for what was a perceived, yet unsustainable, financial or emotional peace.

The primary measure of my having a "good day" was his mood. If he were happy, I could be happy. If he was stressed, I couldn't allow myself to relax or feel joy until I had fixed his stress, the problem causing the stress, or worse, I would match his negative tone.

But the truth is: I am responsible for outsourcing my emotional state to him. I now own my choice that I abandoned my own internal joy and regulated my feelings based on his reactions.

When he was struggling, my immediate, overwhelming urge was to leap into action and "save" him, believing his stability was my job. This also bled into and affected intimacy -- both emotional and physical.

But the truth is: I am responsible for inserting myself into his challenges and assuming a "savior" role, thereby enabling him to under-function. I now own my belief that his stability validated my worth, and his lack of stability financially had nothing to do with my worth.

He needed constant affirmation and praise from me to feel secure in his job, appearance, or worth. My role was to be his perpetual cheerleader and ego-booster -- or as the 5 love languages would say, his primary love languages were Affirmation and Touch -- which was up to me to enact to make him feel loved.

But the truth is: I am responsible for making my worth contingent on being his source of security. I now own the choice to prioritize boosting his ego over tending to my own needs.

I became his emotional regulator. If he wasn't doing well at work, it was because we weren't having enough sex. If he was becoming angry with the kids, it was because he was so stressed by finances, because sales weren't happening, because I wasn't initiating sex enough, or because I wasn't contributing enough financially. So I was always looking for more ways to do more and make it easier for him.

But the truth is: I am responsible for accepting the blame he placed on me. I now own my choice to believe his manipulative attempts to shift his emotional responsibility onto my actions (or lack thereof).

I gave up hobbies and personal pursuits because I felt obligated to spend pretty much all available free time being the wife and mother of our family. I didn't have a career for myself because being a stay-at-home Mom was my career, so to help with finances, I did gig and part-time work over the 15 years of having and raising children from birth, while I supported his career and his dreams. I didn't have hobbies that I spent time on because I didn't make time for myself between gig work and mom work.

But the truth is: I am responsible for failing to set a clear boundary around my personal time and pursuits. I now own my choice that I prioritized obligation over my own identity and self-care.

I felt guilty whenever I spent time or money on myself. An afternoon out to see a friend for coffee or buying makeup for myself felt like an act of selfish betrayal that required extensive justification.

But the truth is: I am responsible for defining self-care as selfish betrayal. I now own my choices to internalize the belief that my own needs did not justify resources (time or money).

Because I took my role as wife and mother so seriously, I consistently did things he was capable of doing himself. (I also did this as a way to serve him and legitimize my role as a SAHM.) I did everything from managing his hair or doctor appointments, cleaning up his messes (literal and metaphorical), to carrying the mental load for our entire family because he worked full-time and I did not.

But the truth is: I am responsible for carrying the entire mental load to validate my self-worth. I now own the choice to over-function and enable his under-functioning, confusing serving with being indispensable.

Which brings me to my most significant codependency issue; I defined my life by my role in the marriage (ex: I am the wife who manages the home and fixes his problems) rather than by my individual passions, desired career, or goals I had for myself.

But the truth is: I am responsible for outsourcing my definition of success and identity to a role. I now own my choice to stop dreaming and pursuing my own individual goals outside of the context of our marriage.

Recognizing these patterns was the first bold step in my healing a few years ago. Accepting and taking radical responsibility for my choices allowed me to focus on changing my internal wiring so that I could show up whole, autonomous, and free in all my relationships.

Unfortunately, these internal changes I began making years ago were not received well when they started becoming external changes, causing rapid deterioration of our 20+ year relationship, ending in separation and divorce.

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Healing Codependency

After you've accepted radical responsibility and separated yourself from the trap of blame, the real building work begins: Healing Codependency by forging an identity that is entirely your own.

Codependency is subtle because it makes you feel valuable only when you are needed or approved of by someone else. The bold challenge is to find that value and worth within.

​This is the crux of the work of my Bold Pivot Coaching Program!​

So how do we reclaim our identity?

Discover what you actually like. A codependent person focuses, for years, on the preferences and needs of others. To heal, you must actively rediscover yourself.

Dedicate time each week to activities that have nothing to do with your partner, children, or friends. If you don't know what you like, start experimenting. Try a new genre of music, pick up a forgotten hobby, or read a book that has zero practical application to anyone else's life -- no marriage books, no parenting books -- maybe try a fun fantasy fiction novel!

Literally make a list titled, "Things I Like and Believe, Regardless of Anyone Else." Include your favorite foods, music, political views, and future goals. This helps physically separate your desires from those you've adopted. This can be far more difficult than you may believe it will be. Ask, "Do I actually like and believe this, or do I like it because so and so likes and believes it, or was I taught to like & believe it?"

Discover the power of no. Codependency thrives on an inability to set boundaries, often driven by the fear that saying "no" will lead to rejection. Building self-worth requires you to practice asserting your own limits.

Don't begin by refusing a massive favor. Start with small, low-stakes refusals. For example, if someone asks you to dinner at an inconvenient time: "Thank you for the invitation, but I can't do that day. Can we aim for Friday instead?"

Instead of offering long, defensive excuses, use simple "I" statements to maintain your boundary. "I don't have the bandwidth right now," or "I need to protect that time for myself." The more you practice saying "no" and realizing the world doesn't end, the stronger your inner worth becomes.

Discover your own safety to soothe within. A codependent person often relies on external sources (like a partner’s presence or praise) to regulate emotions. Genuine self-worth means you can soothe and stabilize yourself during distress.

What truly grounds you when you feel anxiety or loneliness creeping in? This could be a 10-minute walk in nature, a specific meditation or prayer app, listening to a particular playlist, or simply taking five deep, controlled breaths.

The boldest step is committing to using your toolkit before reaching out to others for emotional validation or rescue. This teaches your nervous system that you are the primary source of your own calm and safety, slowly building an unshakeable inner reliance. (Don't have a tool kit? Work with me for 3 months and you will have a plethora of tools at your disposal to create your own safety and build self-worth!)​

WHEW....

So, welcome to the start of our six-week journey, where we need to get fiercely honest with ourselves. I know it's terrifying -- truly, I do.

If you are struggling to separate your actions and your partners, friends, family, or community/organization, you might be codependent! Remember, by separating your actions from another's wrongdoings, you reclaim your agency, instantly beginning the essential work of building an independent and authentic sense of self-worth.

Next week, I'll share the difference between being a Scapegoat vs. a Survivor and taking Responsibility vs. Blame.

Until then, be BOLD in being honest with yourself about with whom you might be in a codependent relationship.

Bri💋

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Bold Challenge Questions

1.This week, pay extreme attention to your mood. At the end of each day, ask yourself: "Did the measure of my happiness today depend more on someone else's mood, approval, or success than my own?"

If the answer is yes, write down one thing you will do tomorrow that is purely for your own internal satisfaction, regardless of anyone else's feelings.

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2. Identify one low-stakes situation this week (ex: choosing a show to watch, picking a restaurant, deciding how to spend a free hour) where you typically defer to someone else. Articulate your genuine, unsoftened preference out loud and stick to it, even if it causes a brief, minor moment of friction or surprise.

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3. Think about the relationship dynamic you want to change most. Write down two columns: "Things I Blame Them For" and "My Response That I Am Responsible For."

For every item in the "Blame" column (ex: Their refusal to manage finances), define the corresponding item in the "Responsible" column (ex: My choice to consistently carry the entire mental load to avoid conflict). This shifts your focus from their failure to your power.

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How are you going to end your 2025?

There are only 3 months left of this year!

I have a couple of spots available in my 3-month 1:1 Bold Pivot Coaching Program, beginning this week!! If you've been thinking about enrolling, NOW is the time! Let's end 2025 deeply empowered and look to 2026 with a rediscovery of our authentic selves!

​Book a Complimentary Clarity Call​

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Craving More Challenge?

Enjoy a Boldly Driven Conversation with Bri.

Be sure to subscribe to my YouTube Channel so you don't miss an episode.

Last week's episode:

​The Art of Un-Learning: Shedding the Beliefs That Are Holding You Back​

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Helpful Resources for your Personal Growth Journey!

​Emotional Health Digital Products found on my website​

​Emotional Healing journals on Amazon​

Your favorite, most radiant self is waiting for you to discover just how amazing you are!

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Brianna L. George

Boldly live out loud as your authentic self.💋

​BriannaLGeorge.com​

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Clarksville, TN 37040