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The Perfectly Imperfect Pursuit to Know Yourself: Type 8 - The Challenger

Welcome back, Enneagram warriors! This week we step into the arena of the Challenger, the Protector, the ever-so-formidable Type 8. Prior to talking all things Challenger, we talked about perfection, nurturing, achievement, individuality, intellect, loyalty, and enthusiasm. As we talk about 8's be aware of unfiltered honesty, a sprinkle of righteous indignation, and maybe the need for a gentle nudge to embrace vulnerability (if you dare).

If you aren't sure which type you are, you can take a test here:

✨ Paid version ($20): www.enneagraminstitute.com​
✨ Free version: www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test​

If you already KNOW your Enneagram type, I'd LOVE to hear from you as we begin to wrap up this series. I am a type 3, but more accurately a 3Wing2. (If you have no idea what that means, it's ok. There are opportunities to learn if you want by reading the previous newsletters. Hit up the links above for each number, or you can click this link to schedule a FREE Clarity Call.)

Issue 8: The Challenger's Strength (And the Fear of Being "Controlled") - Enneagram Type 8: "Don't Tell Me What To Do... Unless I Agree, Of Course."

Ah, the Enneagram 8. The embodiment of strength, the master of control, the one who commands respect. You're powerful, decisive, and you value autonomy. But let's be real, beneath that commanding exterior, there's a deep, often unspoken, fear of being controlled or vulnerable.

The People-Pleasing Paradox: The Quest for Power (and the Avoidance of Weakness)

Type 8s, you are the champions of independence and authority. Your sense of self-worth is often tied to your ability to assert your will and protect yourself (and often others.) You strive for control, not just for personal satisfaction, but also for the security and autonomy that you believe comes with being in charge.

Why? Because you need to feel powerful and invulnerable to be safe. And in this crazy world we live in that feels unjust and unpredictable, it feels safer to take control than to risk being seen as weak.

The Sassy Truth: Your Brain Is a Power Grid

We see you 8's. You love your independence, your very direct (sometimes too direct) communication, and your ability to take charge. But sometimes, you need to ask yourself, "Am I seeking power, or am I avoiding vulnerability?" And sometimes you're so focused on protecting yourself from being controlled, fooled, or made to be seen as weak or less than someone else, that you forget to connect with your own humanity.

Here's the blunt truth, 8 friends: your worth is not defined by how much power you wield, nor your true happiness contingent on controlling every aspect of your life (or other people's.)

The Wisdom Drop: Beyond the Iron Fist

Vulnerability is not weakness. It's actually a sign of strength and courage. Vulnerability is a commodity!

Not everyone is trying to control you (or make you look like a fool). Most people are just trying to connect and collaborate.

True power comes from within. It's not about dominating others; it's about mastering yourself. You don't always need to be right.

Authentic connection is built on vulnerability and trust. Open up and let people see the real you. Stop hiding. Or faking the niceness. Just be kind.

Kind Compassion is not a liability. It's a superpower. Use it often and wisely.

The Call to Action (For Type 8s and Everyone Else):

Type 8s: Practice embracing vulnerability. Learn to trust others. And for the love of all that is powerful, stop trying to control every situation and/or person to do what you want them to do.

Everyone else: Appreciate the Type 8s in your life. But also, gently encourage them to soften their rough and pointy edges. Give them space to assert their power, but don’t let them bulldoze over everyone else. Sometimes you DO need to stand up to them, kindly and compassionately -- but don't back down when they are being a bully.

Remember, Type 8s, you are more than your strength and authority. You are a beautiful and wonderful human being. And yes, you deserve to feel powerful and respected. Yet, true respect comes from connecting with others, not just dominating them. So, go ahead, BOLDLY assert your will, but remember to be open to other perspectives and open your heart in compassion every now and then. And if you need to challenge someone to a duel, well, fine, but remember to shake hands afterwards.

Next week I wrap things up with the peaceful (and sometimes passive) world of the Peacemaker, Enneagram Type 9. Until then, keep asserting your power, but remember to embrace your vulnerability. And maybe, try talking to someone first before judging them. You might be surprised by how much you appreciate them.

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The Paradox of Power: Kindness in the Face of an Enneagram 8

My hot pink polished nails tapped a silent rhythm on my desk as Brenda*, my Eight-zilla co-worker, thundered through the halls. You could practically feel the air pressure change when she entered a room. Brenda. The woman whose desire to control had its own gravitational pull, sucking everyone else into her orbit – usually as scapegoats.

As a Three with a Two wing, I’m no stranger to ambition. I like to win, and I’m generally pretty good at it. Charm? Check. Strategic thinking? Double-check. Efficiency? Yeppers. The ability to lead in triumph? Absolutely. But Brenda? Her desire to lead was less a finely tuned engine and more a runaway monster truck, often crushing anything in its path. And for some reason, that path seemed to have a distinct "avoid Brianna at all costs, unless it's to subtly or not so subtly undermine her" signpost.

"Brianna should do it." I heard her boom in my neighbor's office, not knowing my door was wide open. "It's not like she does much around here. Her track record is underwhelming."

I bristled. Underwhelming? That was rich, coming from the queen of never delegating work, even after asking many times how one can assist, and then her complaining no one helps her, only so she can then hold out for the glory and control.

"Oh really, Brenda? I asked you yesterday where I could help." I replied loud enough for her to hear me next door, keeping my tone light and professional, the years of masking my feelings with so many other people serving me well.

She huffed. She stalked over to my office, agitated, her eyes – sharp and assessing – flickered over my desk, probably looking for a stray paperclip to critique. "I don't believe you would actually follow through. You need to be more assertive in WANTING more work."

Assertive. Right. The same assertiveness she displayed by hijacking team meeting conversations and projects -- and then emailing the principal behind our backs, saying "some individuals" weren't contributing adequately. We all knew who those "individuals" usually were. Anyone who wasn't Brenda, basically, but especially me. ( Have I mentioned she specifically doesn't like me?)

The truth was I didn't want MORE work, but rather deeper work. Which is why I was taking advantage of working with other teams outside my department, working on building a framework for emotional intelligence coursework to teach our entire school district. I think Brenda was intimidated by this opportunity, for some reason, so she lashes out.

The thing about Brenda was that she genuinely believed she was the only one capable of steering the ship. Anyone else was clearly a bumbling idiot who needed her forceful guidance. And heaven forbid you actually succeed at something independently. That was met with a frosty, "Well, let's just make sure it's sustainable," which translated to, "I'll be watching you, and any misstep will be thoroughly documented and weaponized."

It was exhausting. My inner Three wanted to prove her wrong, to outshine her so brightly she'd have to wear sunglasses indoors. My two wing, however, felt a strange sort of… pity? Underneath all that bluster, I sometimes caught a glimpse of something else. A flicker of insecurity for sure. A desperate need to be in control because, perhaps, she felt like she wasn't, deep down.

One particularly chaotic week, Brenda, in her usual style, took over. She barked orders, and when I raised a concern in an informal meeting with our administrators about a minor detail regarding a plan we were working on, her face tightened. The following email was a masterpiece of passive-aggressive blame, subtly pointing fingers at "some team members' previous oversight." My name wasn't explicitly mentioned, but the implication hung in the digital air like too much perfume.

My initial reaction was pure, unadulterated Three-Fury. I had a legitimate question that came up in the meeting, and it concerned our entire plan's outcome. I could BCC everyone on the email with a point-by-point rebuttal. I could… but then I paused. What would that achieve? A fleeting sense of victory? More tension in what is quickly becoming a sometimes toxic environment?

Instead, I walked over to Brenda’s office. She looked up, surprised, a defensive posture immediately settling on her face.

"Brenda," I said, my voice calm, "My concern was valid. It was a small detail we needed to clarify better. I take responsibility for my part in the initial planning with the team, and that I didn't bring up this particular point before we presented it."

Her eyebrows shot up. "You… you do?" It was clear she'd expected a fight.

"Yes," I said. "We're a team, even if it doesn't always feel like it. My goal is the same as yours – a successful outcome for our students and our school. As always, if there's anything I can do to help support, please let me know."

A strange look flickered across her face. It wasn't quite vulnerability, but it was something akin to… surprise, maybe even a sliver of respect. She just nodded curtly.

The rest of the week didn't magically transform into a kumbaya session. Instead, the weeks after this interaction have been worse because Brenda is still Brenda. But something shifted, ever so slightly. On one occasion, she grudgingly acknowledged me with a side smile in the hallway.

My choice to be kind isn't about becoming best friends or suddenly seeing eye-to-eye on everything. It is about choosing a different path. If I'm being really honest, I still want to succeed, to beat her at her own game, but I know that true success isn't about crushing "competition." And why am I seeing her as competition anyway? I certainly don't want her job.

Success and winning really is about choosing kindness, even when faced with someone who seems to actively dislike you. It isn't about being a doormat; it is about being the bigger person, not for her benefit, but for my own peace of mind and the overall health of our team.

The lesson? A little bit of genuine kindness, even towards the Brenda-zillas of the world, isn't weakness. It's a quiet form of strength. It doesn't mean you let them walk all over you, but it does mean you choose your battles wisely and sometimes, the most powerful move is to simply be a human and treat people how you desire to be treated. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, a little kindness can chip away at even the most formidable exterior. Even if it takes longer than expected with an 8.

*name changed for privacy

Bold Challenge Questions

Here are some bold challenge questions for my 8's and the (often hidden) relationship to people-pleasing and the need for external approval:

If your power comes from being strong and independent, how does the idea of needing anything from others, including approval, make you feel? Does it trigger a sense of weakness or vulnerability that you actively avoid acknowledging?

If you were to release some control and allow others to lead, what emotions surface? Is it purely a strategic concern, or is there an element of fear related to how others might perceive you?

Where is the line between healthy self-assertion and unconsciously seeking to provoke a reaction (positive or negative) from others, just to feel a sense of impact or importance?

If you no longer needed to prove your strength or competence to anyone, what would you do differently? What would you pursue? Who would you be?

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Here are some bold challenge questions for those who love and care for Enneagram Type 8s, designed to foster deeper understanding and more effective communication with these challengers:

What are the subtle signs that your 8 is feeling vulnerable or afraid, even if they outwardly project strength? How do you discern between their genuine power and a defensive reaction?

When they push you away, how do you determine whether they genuinely need space or are testing your loyalty and commitment?

When your 8 is in "command mode," how do you stay grounded in your own truth and avoid feeling intimidated or silenced?

What role do you play in their journey toward greater emotional openness and balance? Are you primarily a mirror, a challenger, a safe haven, or some combination of these?

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Craving More Challenge?

Subscribe to my YouTube channel and dare to watch (new and old) "Boldly Driven Conversations with Bri" episode(s). Last week's episode was popular. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out!

Stop Reacting, Start Responding: Master Your Emotions with Self-Regulation

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Spring is here!

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Be Boldly You!

I see you, Gorgeous.

-Bri💋

Brianna L. George

Boldly live out loud as your authentic self.💋

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